BMW Alpina B8 Gran Coupé review

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication”. Apple founder Steve Jobs once used the Leonardo Da Vinci phrase as the basis of an early Mac advertising campaign, but we reckon it would be even better suited to Alpina – and specifically the Alpina B8 Gran Coupé. 

You see, BMW supplies cars to both its in-house motorsport division ‘BMW M’ and small boutique tuning house Alpina, but what results from each organisation is very different.

It’s best to think of M cars as hardcore, track-focused models with slightly ostentatious styling. Alpina, on the other hand, is all about long-legged performance, long-distance comfort and understated design. 

So while BMW's M8 Gran Coupé looks like a pumped-up cage fighter with its bulging bumpers, chiselled mirror housings and a unique widebody, the B8 looks like Bond in a Brioni suit. Sure, the B8 gets its own performance car embellishments – a chin spoiler, a boot-mounted spoiler, a rear diffuser and sundial alloy wheels – but it’s a much cleaner and more flowing design. 

Conversely, under the skin, it looks as if there’s a fair bit of mechanical symbiosis going on. Both cars employ twin-turbocharged V8 engines and both use four-wheel steering and traction-enhancing four-wheel drive. They also have mind-boggling electronic intervention systems in an effort to maximise power delivery and enhance cornering stability. But as you’re about to find out, not all is at it seems. 

Over the next few pages, we’ll compare the Alpina B8 Gran Coupé with rivals including the M8 Gran Coupé, the Audi RS7 Sportback and Porsche Panamera Turbo S across areas such as performance, interior quality, practicality and running costs.

And if all of this talk of performance machines has piqued your interest when it comes to buying a new car, make sure you check out our What Car? New Car Buying service.

BMW supplies Alpina with almost all the constituent parts required to build a whole range of cars, but not everything is up for grabs.

The B8 Gran Coupé and the M8 Gran Coupé may both be powered by 4.4-litre V8s, but the M8’s highly specialised power unit is a jealously guarded device, so the B8 has to make do with the engine from the lesser BMW M850. Not that that's prevented Alpina from getting this relatively humble V8 to conjure up a cauldron full of seriously explosive performance.

Chief among Alpina’s efforts is a pair of ‘optimised’ turbochargers that ramp up the power in the V8 from a not inconsiderable 523bhp in the M850 to a cork-popping 613bhp, putting it just 3bhp down on the M Division’s own M8.

Alpina hasn’t just turned up the boost and shut the bonnet, though. Power increases on that scale demand myriad engine and gearbox reinforcements, along with considerable cooling upgrades. The B8 gets a 50% increase in cooling capacity compared with an M8 and a beefed-up eight-speed gearbox. 

That all translates into a car that will sprint from 0-62mph in just 3.4 seconds – half a second up on the M8 – but raw performance figures don’t tell the whole story. You see, the way the B8 delivers its power is totally different from what you experience in the M8. The engine in the M car almost feels as though it does without turbochargers thanks to its revvy nature and near-instantaneous accelerator responses, whereas the Alpina feels more old school and exhibits a touch more lag before the turbos wake up. 

On a track, this hesitation could cost you a few tenths of a second, but on an open road, the anticipation as the boost builds before everything goes warp speed gives the B8 real character. We just wish that the sports exhaust was a little louder – not as anti-social as the Mercedes-AMG E63 S, but it could do with a little more edge like the Porsche Panamera Turbo S has. 

This relaxed nature also extends to the way the B8 behaves in bends. The steering isn’t as quick as the rack in the M8, but the wheel’s weighting is consistent and nicely judged, while the bespoke suspension feels better set up for UK roads. Where the stiffly sprung M8 gets thrown offline by mid-corner bumps, the B8 simply shrugs them off, and there is none of the pillar-to-post shimmying that makes the M8 rather tiring on pockmarked roads. 

Our only complaint is that at low speeds, the B8 does occasionally thump over sharp-edged potholes, which the Audi S8 – with its triple chamber air suspension – does a better job of smoothing out. But at a cruise, we’re pleased to report that tyre and wind roar are minimal.

Other than the bespoke blue speedo and rev counter displays, and Alpina-embossed threshold kick plates that greet you when you open the doors, there are very few differences between the Alpina B8 Gran Coupé and the BMW M850 it's based on. But that’s no bad thing.

Material quality and the overall fit and finish are first class, and Alpina has done just enough to lift the interior to a point where it feels special. For example, the B8 gets the same Merino leather as the normal M850, but it's available in punchier colours – in the case of our test car, an Ivory White and Night Blue combination.

The steering wheel is finished in Alpina Lavalina leather, which feels more supple and grippier than an M850's wheel, and the optional all-aluminium steering-wheel paddles are an absolute must. You even get a small plaque between the front seats telling you what number car you’ve purchased. 

The infotainment system, meanwhile, is a masterpiece of integration and usability. BMW’s latest-generation iDrive set-up beats its rivals’ systems by a mile in two important ways.

Firstly, its menus are generally logical and very responsive. Secondly, by sticking with a rotary controller and shortcut menu buttons (instead of the touchscreen-only interfaces that the Porsche Panamera and Audi RS7 Sportback employ), it’s far less distracting to use while driving. The B8 has Apple CarPlay/Android Auto smartphone mirroring fitted as standard. 

As in the M850, the steering wheel and seat are both electrically adjustable, the seat is comfortable and nothing feels out of kilter. There’s a head-up display as standard, which beams plenty of information into your sightline, and the digital dials can be set up in all manner of styles and display all sorts of useful info.

Visibility isn’t perfect, though. The front pillars are quite fat and tend to obscure your vision through tight corners, although the B8's rivals aren't much better in this regard, while the rear screen is fairly shallow.

Front and rear parking sensors are standard, though, as is a rear-view camera (a 360-degree camera is optional). The B8 comes with ultra-bright adaptive LED headlights, but if LEDs are a bit ‘last season’ for you, laser lights are available an option.

Space in the front of the Alpina B8 Gran Coupé is fine for two taller adults and certainly on a par with the competition.

It’s quite broad inside, too, so you can spread out across the centre armrest without spilling into your passenger’s space. There are also plenty of storage options for your odds and sods dotted about the interior.

Now for the important question: how spacious is the rear? Well, you get two proper seats and an occasional middle seat that’ll be quite awkward to sit on for long periods (its occupant has to straddle a large hump in the floor).

The two outer seats are supportive and six-footers will have enough legroom to sit behind tall front-seat occupants. Headroom is marginal though, with the Porsche Panamera and Audi RS7 Sportback both offering more space for your bouffant.

You can fold down the rear seatbacks in a 40/20/40 configuration using handy release levers in the boot. Doing so gives you a fairly flat extended load bay, and with the rear seats up there’s room for around five carry-on suitcases – one more than we could fit in the Panamera but three less than we got in the RS7.

There are few logical reasons to buy a six-figure, 200mph four-door coupé like the Alpina B8 Gran Coupé, but ​​you know that already, don’t you? Ultimately, this is a car you buy with your heart, not your head, but let’s investigate the costs anyway...

If you’re weighing up your options, you can buy an Audi RS7 Sportback, BMW M8 Gran Coupé or Mercedes-AMG E63 for quite a bit less, but compared with the cost of a Porsche Panamera Turbo S E-Hybrid or Bentley Flying Spur, the low-volume B8 looks competitively priced. 

The running costs will be rather less reasonable. That V8 engine won’t be easy on tyres or fuel, and the official fuel economy of 25.4mpg is the stuff of fantasy, because if you use the engine as it’s intended, you’ll be lucky to see half that figure. 

You’ll need huge reserves of cash to run a B8 as a company car, too. The substantial list price and CO2 emissions of 254g/km place the car in the top 37% band, meaning benefit-in-kind tax payments will be astronomical. That said, the same issue faces buyers considering the M8 or E63.

From gold pinstriping to contrasting heated and cooled Lavalina leather seats, when it comes to options, the world is your oyster. However, it is a little disappointing that must-have items such as the high-performance brake system and CNC milled aluminium gear-shift paddles are not standard fare considering the substantial list price. 

The B8 hasn’t been safety tested by Euro NCAP, but you do get a range of safety aids as standard. These include automatic emergency braking (AEB) and lane-keeping assistance.